


Antarra IV

by JanewayorNoWay



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanewayorNoWay/pseuds/JanewayorNoWay
Summary: The Captain has fallen in love with a certain tall, blond ex-Borg, but the sentiment hasn't been reciprocated. Furious with herself for getting herself in too deep, and upset with Seven for not returning her feelings, she does something hasty and stupid.I dedicate this story to calderonbeta (and her wife) for being such a great beta reader. Thank you!





	Antarra IV

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments on my previous stuff. It feels as good as money. Well, almost as good. Please keep kudo-ing and commenting it honestly keeps me going.
> 
> 5/19 - I fixed the formatting problems. Sorry.

She hasn’t told you she loves you yet. And, like an idiot, you’ve fallen head over heels. 

It wasn’t even supposed to get this far. You’d successfully battled all your demons about your attraction to her, and then, one night, she’d crawled into your tent on an away mission, woken you up with her kisses, and all your reasons why not fled. Afterward, you’d been very clear that whatever you shared on the away mission, it would end when you were back on Voyager.

She’d been fine with it. Back to business on the ship. Not you. If anyone had told you that making love to assuage your loneliness would increase it tenfold after, you would never have allowed yourself to indulge. Because the ache was deeper and more painful that it had ever been.

You sought her out in Cargo Bay 2, two weeks after your return. “Regeneration incomplete.” Yeah. Don’t complete it, I need to make love to her. She stepped down from the dais directly into your arms and covered your mouth with those delicious lips of hers. Like she’d been waiting for you to break. 

You made love in your quarters that night. Like long lost lovers. While planetside, it had been heated, rough, quick, this was tender, slow, languorous. You’d gotten to know each other’s bodies while away, now, you touched the places you knew the other needed, to say: “I know you.” From that night forward, you became frequent lovers. As small as the ship was, it wasn’t hard to keep secret, since Seven wasn’t one who shared her feelings with anyone and you had a career’s worth of experience in withholding information from your crew. 

And, honestly, at first, the illicit glances on the bridge, the half smirk you graced her with, in a room full of people, the brief lift of her ocular implant as you passed each other in the halls, made the affair all that more exciting and forbidden.

That was months ago. Somewhere along the way, you ruined it all by falling in love. You had never been so angry at anyone as you were with yourself the night you orgasmed so hard you screamed it out. 

She had been great. Tender, caring, her arms wrapped around you, holding you close. Covering you with kisses. She’d done everything perfectly… except return the sentiment.

You kept your shit together and let that go. People fall in love at different rates. As long as she was eager and willing to continue, certainly, with time, she would also fall for the Captain.

That had been a month ago. You hadn’t repeated your feelings and she hadn’t expressed any change in hers. 

Now, your enthusiasm for engaging in “copulation” with someone you loved who didn’t return those feelings had lost its joy. Each time was more lonely, more painful, more of a reminder that, for whatever reason, the one person you had broken all the rules for, did not feel love for you.

Your heart was already breaking as you waited in your quarters for her to arrive. Tonight, you would end this beautiful affair with this amazing woman, because you wanted more and she couldn’t give it.

*******

Seven of Nine stood outside the Captain’s quarters, apprehensive. Although she and the Captain had been engaging in a 6-month affair, and to be summoned to her quarters was not unusual, she had noted the Captain’s tone in her request and sensed a coldness they had not treated each other with since before the onset of their sexual relationship. Finally pushing the chime to announce her arrival, she heard the Captain call, “Enter.” and proceeded into her private quarters.

Seven immediately knew that this would not be their normal assignation. She had entered with full grin, ready to cross to her Captain and sweep her in her arms, but, upon entering, she saw that the Captain was still in her uniform, reading one of many padds scattered around her. Seven instantly clasped her hands behind her back and stood at attention, “Captain? You called for me?”

Kathryn looked up at her, the command mask in place. “Yes, Seven, please, have a seat.” And she indicated the chair opposite her, Not the couch next to her, not the bedroom, not the floor, the bulkhead, all the places they’d made love, but the chair. The one that sat 2.4 meters away from the couch at a 37-degree angle. Seven strode to the chair and sat.

She said nothing, only observed. The tightness around her lover’s mouth, the shadow of sadness in her eyes, and, just before she spoke, the tears glistening in them. 

“Seven, I’m afraid our affair has to come to an end.”

Seven did not show her complete and utter devastation at this statement. “Very well, Captain,” she replied, then nodded her head, stood and started to exit.

“Seven!”

She stopped and turned on her heels. “Captain?”

“That’s it? That’s your reaction?”

Seven stood, livid. This was the only reaction she could have that wouldn’t involve breaking everything in her Captain’s private quarters.

“I’m sorry Captain, have I not responded to our break up in a way that pleases you?” There was an edge of hostility in her question. The shock it caused on the face of the Captain gave Seven a small jolt of pleasure, but it was drop in the ocean of her pain.

“Seven, I was hoping we could talk about this more.”

“What is there to talk about? My Captain, who makes all the command decisions, has issued an order. I will follow it.”

Kathryn looked hurt. Again, that strangely pleased the drone. She would make note of this to research later. There is pleasure in hurting one who has hurt you.

“I’m not just your Captain, Seven.”

“You called me here as my Captain. I entered your private quarters to find you dressed as my Captain, and then, my Captain ordered me to sit in a chair while she spoke to me of ending our romantic affiliation. She did not call me as Kathryn. She did not speak to me as Kathryn, she did not look like Kathryn when she told me our affair was over. She had her mask on. I know, after 3 years, 4 months, 17 days that, when my Kathryn wears that mask, I have no power, no recourse, I am a drone, and my queen has issued her orders.” With that Seven turned to exit.

Fuck. Kathryn had fucked this up. And she’d better fix it. She tapped her comm badge, “Computer seal the Captain’s quarters.”

Seven whirled to face her. “Why are you doing this?!”

Kathryn quickly unzipped her tunic, tossing it aside. “I am not the Captain. I’m your Kathryn. I’m sorry, I fucked this up.”

Seven’s face softened, she relaxed her stance. “What are you doing, Kathryn? Why are you hurting us?”

Janeway brought her hands to her face and groaned into them. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Seven. I honestly don’t. This is all new territory to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I called you here because I’m in love with you and it’s clear you don’t reciprocate those feelings, and that’s a very painful thing to live with.”

Seven nodded, thinking this over. “So, I guess we are finally going to talk about this.”

“What do you mean, ‘finally’”? 

“Did you think I did not hear you exclaim that you loved me 32 days, 6 hours and 17 minutes ago?”

“No. But you never said anything.”

“I did not state that I reciprocated the feelings.” It was a statement, not a question.

“You did not.”

“How can I?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“How can I reciprocate when I don’t know who I am in a relationship with?”

Kathryn stumbled a little at that one. She sat down. 

“On the away mission, I came to you, we shared our most intimate selves. Annika Hansen and Kathryn Janeway. The next morning the Captain instructed Seven that our sexual relationship would not continue once we were back on Voyager. Seven accepted her Captain’s orders. We returned to Voyager and Seven of Nine did as she was instructed.”

Kathryn felt a twist of pain in her chest. “Seven —“

Seven held up her hand, “I have followed every instruction and order you have issued for me, now I am going to talk and you are going to listen.”

“I had some initial difficulty in letting go of what we had shared, but I succeeded. My duties never suffered, and my Captain never had reason to be concerned about me. It was most painful.” Her voice grew thick at the memory of it.

“Seven, please let me hold you.”

“No.” Her jaw visibly clenched. “I am very angry with you, Kathryn. And I do not wish to be comforted by you.” She paused then started again, “After 14 days, 13 hours and 57 minutes, this drone was finally making peace with what was ended and why. The Captain shows up in Cargo Bay 2 and has sexual needs. All the pain, the work I had been through to comply with my orders, and my Captain has a need and decides the rules will be changed for her.”

Kathryn audibly gasped, as if she’d been kicked in the chest. She had never looked at her actions from Seven’s perspective. She had been incredibly selfish. “I’m so sorry.”

Seven continued, “In our new sexual relationship, it is made clear to me that no one will know. I am to tell no one, you will tell no one. I am to arrive at the Captain’s quarters after hours and to leave immediately after copulating so that we are not discovered. This continues for 4 months, 28 days, 17 hours and 23 minutes. At 4 months 28 days, 17 hours and 24 minutes, during climax, the Captain proclaims she loves me.”

Kathryn feels the flush of heat in her cheeks at hearing this cold recitation of such emotional events. It sounds very tawdry and silly coming out of Seven’s mouth like that, “Are you done yet?”

“Despite her proclamation, my Captain continues an illicit sexual relationship with me. None of the previous parameters change. This drone begins to wonder if that love can be real if she is still required to sneak into and out of her Captain’s quarters. The Captain has to change nothing. She summons the drone, the drone services her, and she dismisses the drone.” Seven’s voice begins to break. “And you have the audacity to ask me, if I am done yet? Are you done yet, Captain? Have you gotten everything you needed from me? “

“That’s not fair, Seven!”

“You cry out that you love me, but you have made no effort to know me, to know my heart. ‘How are you coping with all this, Seven?’ ‘Would you like to eat together in the Mess Hall, Seven?’ ‘What was your day like, Seven?’ ‘It’s been 5 months now, Seven, I am proud to be with you, will you hold my hand when we walk together in the corridors?'"

“You bring me here tonight to end our relationship because I have not told you I love you. And yet, you made no safe place in which I could indulge such a feeling. Even worse, you seem blind to all that I have done in the last six months to please you, to not embarrass you or sully your reputation, to protect you. You are so selfish, Kathryn. If you weren’t you would have seen that I was in love with you six months ago on Antarra IV. This is why, if you wish to end this relationship, I will comply. Because it is not a very good relationship for me.” 

With that, Seven turned and strode out of her Captain’s quarters.

*******

Kathryn Janeway felt nauseous. The cold recitation of the facts of their relationship had opened her eyes to a level of selfishness she had not known she was capable of. All the enjoyment she took and never thought of her young, beautiful, friend. Her fear of breaking Starfleet protocol, or being seen as human by her crew had made her behave in a way that was not only despicable but had deeply wounded the woman she truly loved. 

Kathryn Janeway did not sleep that night. Nor the next. She engaged in a thorough examination of who she was as a person, and stared, without flinching, at her faults. She walked like a ghost at night, trying to salvage some measure of her belief in herself as a decent person. She had never been someone who put herself before others. She was proud of that. It made her crew loyal. And yet, somehow, when it came to Seven, she had tossed that out the window. Failing to find a way to cope with this new information about herself, she lost faith in herself. She continued to successfully command her ship, navigating hostile aliens, exchanging supplies with friendly ones, charting nebulas and planets. But she was not present, her passion was gone. And her senior officers could tell.

One day in her ready room, there was a chime.

“Enter,” she said and smiled at Tuvok as he stepped inside.

“Tuvok, what can I do for you?”

“Permission to speak freely, Captain.” Janeway’s eyebrows lifted, “Permission granted.”

“I’m not going to soft pedal this, Captain. I am here at the behest of the Senior Staff. There is some concern about your current mental and physical fitness to command.”

Kathryn clenched her jaw, furious, “That sounds like mutiny.” 

“It is genuine concern about your puzzling withdrawal from those closest to you, a complete lack of focus, and your avoidance of the crew.”

“I haven’t been sleeping, that’s all, tell everyone I’ll get a hypospray from the doctor and everything will be fine by tomorrow.”

“We have been friends a long time, Kathryn.”

“Kathryn? Well, I guess we’re going to get familiar now.”

Tuvok continued, undaunted, “I have seen you functioning with lack of sleep. I know what your fatigue looks like. This is something else. It looks more like grief.”

Kathryn sat, shocked. How had he nailed her? She waited a beat, deciding whether she could confide in her friend. She looked up and nodded, “It is.”

“Can you tell me what or who it is that you’ve lost?”

“Myself. Or who I thought I was.”

“That can be a very painful loss.”

“I’ve disappointed myself, Tuvok. I’ve hurt someone in a despicable way, and I did it without even flinching or thinking about it. In so doing, I lost someone who meant a great deal to me.”

“So, you have had two losses, Kathryn.”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Tuvok nodded. “As for the first loss, that can be regained if you make amends to this person. As to the second, I think it would be selfish to expect to get your friend back. The first amends must be done without wanting anything in return, except to heal the person’s wound, and regain your sense of self.”

“Then I’m screwed. Because she won’t talk to me, Tuvok. I’ve tried.”

Tuvok nodded. “I have found that Seven, despite her icy exterior, is actually a very fragile human. She has a great heart, having been willing to give her life for you and this crew many times, but, she is very fragile emotionally when it comes to you and that great heart can easily be broken.”

Kathryn stared at him. “How did you know?”

“I didn’t. I was guessing. Based on my observations that she’s clearly infatuated with you, and that neither of you have acknowledged or spoken to each other in the last four weeks. I assumed there had been some sort of rift.”

“You old Vulcan Devil.”

“I am quite wily when I need to be, Captain.”

Kathryn patted the couch cushion, inviting Tuvok to sit with her. “Help me, old friend, to make a plan to make my amends to Seven.”

Kathryn filled him in on the last seven months. Tuvok listened without judgment, and gently pushed Kathryn to focus solely on trying to rebuild her friendship with Seven. Kathryn struggled because of her deeper feelings, but she realized she’d rather have Seven’s friendship back, and would gladly be her mentor in whatever future romantic entanglements she might pursue. It was difficult, but, as Tuvok had said, to regain her sense of honor and restore her faith in her decency, she would have to sacrifice something painful. 

The next day, after her shift, Kathryn went to Sandrine’s She thought that mingling with a larger group would give her chance to have some kind of access to Seven. Sandrine’s was lively when she got there. She was immediately spotted by Tom and B'Elanna and waved over to their table. “Hey, Captain, what are you having?” 

“Um, whiskey. Irish. Thanks Tom.” He crossed away to the bar and she turned to B’Elanna, “It’s been a while since I’ve been here.”

“We missed you, Captain. The crew likes to see you have fun.” 

“Really? Maybe I’ll dance a jig on the table later, do you think they’ll like that?”

B’Elanna laughed, “Screw the crew, I would love that.” Tom came back with her whiskey and she took a swig. “Have you guys seen Seven?”

“She’s around here somewhere. She usually sits with Harry and Meghan Delaney.” 

“Harry’s with Meghan? When did this happen?”

“It happens every few weeks. I guess they’re into makeup sex.” Kathryn laughed and her eyes swept the room, she caught Seven at Harry’s table, just as Seven caught her. Without a word, Seven put down her drink, got up and left.

“Hey, Seven! Tom called out, come join the Captain!” She never looked back. Tom and B’Elanna looked at each other, then the Captain, “That was weird.” The Captain nodded. “I’m sure she had someplace she needed to be.”

Kathryn went to Sandrine’s every night for a week, Seven never showed up again. 

She switched to trying to steal a moment after staff meetings, but she only got cold, leftover, Borg. She was careful to avoid giving orders or making commands. She had wounded Seven so much by using her rank to get what she wanted. She couldn’t do that now. She needed Seven to want to spend time with her willingly. 

She tried catching Seven at the mess hall, but, just like Sandrine’s, when the Captain entered, Seven left. After three weeks of this, Kathryn gave up. Her heart was breaking. She had tried, but what could she do if Seven couldn’t stand being in the same room with her? 

It seemed hopeless, then, by some twist of fate, Kathryn was in the Turbolift when the doors opened for Seven. She hesitated. “It’s okay, Seven, I won’t bite.” Gritting her teeth, Seven stepped in. There was a beat of silence. “Where are you headed?” Asked Kathryn. “B’Elanna called me to Astrometrics.” “That’s funny, she called me to Engineering.”

There was a sudden jolt, a sound of metal against metal and the turbolift stopped. Seven tried to pry the doors open, “We are stuck between decks.” The Captain tapped her commbadge, “Captain Janeway to Engineering.” There was no reply. Seven tried, “Seven of Nine to Engineering.” Silence. 

“B’Elanna Torres,” hissed Janeway. She tapped her commbadge again, “I know you can hear me, B’Elanna. If you don’t want to spend a week in the brig, you’ll get this turbolift moving.” 

“Lt Torres here. Sorry Captain, there’s been a glitch in the turbolift. Totally accidental. Unforeseeable. Couldn't predict. You and Seven will just have to find a way to pass the time til we get it back online.”

“It looks like we’ll just have to wait,” Kathryn said. Seven glared at her, then turned and renewed her efforts to pry the turbo lift door open. “What’s your plan, Seven? Say you get the doors open, where will you go? In the 6 inches between the turbo lift and the walls?” 

“I will decide that when I get the doors open.” 

Kathryn shrugged and slid down to sit on the floor. She pulled out a padd and started reading. “I’m sorry you’re stuck here with me, but it’ll be over soon and we can both go on our merry way.” 

“I will not be going 'merrily.' I just go.”

“Noted.”

Seven stopped her attempts and leaned against the opposite wall. “Would you like something to read? I have another padd here.” 

Kathryn shrugged and went back to her padd. After a moment, she felt a laser glare on her and looked up to see intense hatred aimed her way from Seven, “Why do you ruin everything?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Why do you ruin my places? You never came to Sandrine’s, you rarely came to the mess hall. After all this time, I study my lessons from the doctor, I make friends, I have safe places I can be with them, and now I can’t go to them.”

Kathryn sighed, “I’m sorry, Seven. That wasn’t my intention. And I haven’t been to Sandrine’s or the mess hall in weeks. I gave you your space.”

They looked at each other for a beat, then Seven turned back to the door. Kathryn spoke, “I understand that I behaved despicably. I was only going to those places to try to make amends. To rebuild your trust so that I could be your friend again. I think I was a good friend. I was just a detestable lover.”

“You were an excellent friend. And you were a proficient lover. You were just what Lt. Paris would call, an ‘asshole.’”

“I know I’ve hurt you. I haven’t slept in weeks. No one wants to have a mirror held up to them. But I have really tried to not turn away and to accept that yes, I did that. I fucked up.”

Seven turned to look at her. “Understood.” 

“Give me a chance, Seven. To earn your friendship again. That’s all I’m asking.”

“I miss your friendship, Kathryn.” 

Kathryn stood. “And I miss yours, Seven.” With a jolt, the Turbolift came alive again and began to move. It quickly reached deck eight and the doors opened. Seven stepped off. Then turned back. “If you wish to repair our friendship, I would find that acceptable.”

*********

Seven of Nine was in Astrometrics, examining a nearby star system. Truthfully, she was just staring into space, but that was the benefit of being an Astrometrics officer, no one could tell the difference.

She heard the doors slide open and could tell from the footfalls that it was the Captain. She felt her throat constrict. She had agreed to let the Captain try to rebuild their friendship, but Seven was not feeling particularly generous today.

"How may I help you Captain?"

 

“Have you had lunch yet?”

“I do not require a nutritional supplement at this time.”

“Ah. I was heading to the mess hall and I was hoping you’d join me.”

Kathryn saw Seven tighten. The Captain had never invited Seven to share a meal in public when they had been copulating. Several moments passed as Seven considered this shift in Kathryn's dining parameters. Finally, she replied, “That would be acceptable.”

The mess hall was busy, and there seemed to be no empty tables. Seven started to say they should leave, but the Captain grabbed her elbow and seated them at a table near the door.

As they sat, Kathryn turned to Seven: “What can I get you, Seven?” 

“I do not require- “ 

“Hot fudge sundae?” Interrupted Kathryn. She knew from their nights together that it was Seven’s favorite post-coital meal. Seven smiled, “I require that.” Kathryn smiled back at her and left to get the required meal. 

Their lunch was pleasant. She and Seven spoke a little, Kathryn asking her about what she was working on and taking a genuine interest in it. It would have been just a lunch between a Captain and a crew member until Seven finished her sundae and instinctively leaned forward to have the Captain clean her face. She knew she ate sundaes with vigorous zeal, and the Captain had always laughed as she had to wipe away the wayward ice cream and hot fudge. The Captain absentmindedly cleared stray sundae from Seven’s lips. Seven and the Captain were completely unaware. It was just a tender habit.

Having finally gained some measure of trust, over the next few weeks the Captain began her quest to regain Seven's friendship in earnest. There were dinner parties in her quarters where Seven engaged in interaction with others in Kathryn’s inner circle: Tuvok, Chakotay, B’Elanna. Seven was glad to find others there her first time. She was very raw from what Janeway had put her through, and had not regained the trust they previously had between each other.

The Captain invited Seven to Sandrine’s. These were also pleasant evenings. Especially the night the Captain had conspired with Seven to hustle Tom Paris at pool. Kathryn had already blown her cover years ago. But she’d learned that Seven could use her ocular implant to visualize a sight line along which she could carom the billiard balls and pocket them every time. This is the night that she learned that one of the Captain’s greatest pleasures was cheating Tom Paris from victory. “Every few months he needs to be taken down a peg or two.” She had said. “He takes advantage of ensigns. I’ve seen more than one in my ready room explaining why they didn’t have enough rations for a clean uniform.” 

When Seven said she felt bad for Tom, Kathryn said, “He had an unobstructed view of your ass bent over a pool table all night. That’s worth all the ration slips in Star Fleet.”

She’d said that in the turbo lift and they had laughed, and then Seven kissed her. It was intended to be quick, but Seven wasn’t satisfied. “Computer, halt turbo lift.” And she leaned down and took her time. The Captain stroked her neck and, in a voice thick with desire, said: “Computer, resume turbo lift.”

They had gone to her quarters and had a nightcap. Seven was cautious. But Kathryn had respected whatever boundary Seven had placed around her heart for now. The kiss in the Turbo lift had been it. Seven inwardly heaved a sigh of relief. She had guessed that Kathryn was letting Seven lead in this. As she should, thought Seven.

********

The Captain was pleased with the way Seven’s trust rebuilding was going. She tried to remind herself at every moment that, when with Seven, she was not in charge of her, and she couldn’t just slam her Captain mask down when she didn’t get what she wanted. She no longer told Seven: “Meet me in my quarters.” It was always an invitation. The first invitation she had issued was for the mess hall lunch and she’d been as nervous as a 16-year-old girl asking another girl to prom. When Seven had accepted, so much tension lifted from her shoulders, she thought someone might need to tie a string to her ankles to pull her off the ceiling.

Over the weeks, Kathryn felt an ease with Seven she had never felt before. They could be silly together, like the night they plotted to relieve Tom Paris of his pool winnings. They had conspired in the hallway on the way to the Holodeck, like two giggling school girls. 

They could share interests. Like the protostar 30 light years away that captured both their attention for hours. At the end of that, Janeway had simply put her hand over Seven’s and they had looked at each other. It was one of the most intimate things she’d felt with her. She had let Kathryn in on something that meant a great deal to her and, luckily, the Captain had found it every bit as fascinating. 

She didn’t know how long it was going to take to earn back her trust, but, she stopped counting the days and dinners, and just lived in the thrill of getting to know her.

About 5 weeks into the latest phase of their relationship, Janeway got a message from Seven to meet her in Holodeck 2 at 1400 hours the next day. With instructions to be in uniform.

When she entered the holodeck, she saw that Seven had recreated Antarra IV, complete with their away tents and supplies. 

A smile flooded Kathryn’s face. Seven smiled back. “I have decided we will start over, Kathryn.” She pulled Kathryn into her arms and when Kathryn tilted her head up for a kiss, she was denied. “That is not true to the timeline,” Seven said. “First we will survey. Then, I will prepare the meal. Then we will go to bed, Then I will come to you.” They were both trembling slightly in the anticipation. “Sounds lovely,” Kathryn said.

Kathryn did as she was told. Seven was in charge she told herself. “Considering how badly you fucked it up when you were in charge, you have no right to make decisions for her.”

Seven was gone for most of the day, she said she wanted to explore some minerals in the salt flats below the bluff they were camped on. This is exactly what she had done on Antarra IV. The Captain supposed she really was planning on sticking to an accurate recreation of the events on Antarra IV.

In the evening, around the campfire, Seven prepared the fish she’d caught. This had been the hardest part of the actual away trip for Kathryn. Watching her and knowing how much she wanted her, how beautiful she was, and she could never cross that line. This time, though, Kathryn wasn’t thinking about herself, she was watching Seven. And she saw what she’d failed to see before. The love. Seven’s love was everywhere. Not in her words, but in everything she did for the Captain. “She caught the fish because she wanted to feed you, because she loves you” Kathryn thought. She cleaned the dishes because you looked tired, and she loves you. She set up your tent while you napped by the lake, because she loves you. Here you were wanting some sign of her love and she’d been giving it all along and you’d never noticed.

**********

As the Captain slipped into her tent, her heart was pounding in her chest. “God, let me be worthy,” she whispered. She wasn’t aware that she’d actually fallen asleep until she heard the rustle of the tent flaps. It was dark and she could only see Seven’s eyepiece glinting in the moonlight. Just like on Antarra IV, she removed her biosuit and slipped into Kathryn’s bed, uninvited. “Captain...” she said.

“Call me Kathryn.” Seven looked annoyed, ‘You did not say that.” 

“I’m saying it now.” 

“Is that an order?” 

Kathryn sat up and pulled Seven close. “I’m in love with you, Seven. I want to do what it is you need, because I love you and I only want you to know that and feel that from me. I can’t go back to the exact person I was because I’m not particularly fond of her.” She watched as Seven processed this. “Acceptable,” she said and smiled. “My god” thought Kathryn, “is there a direct line from that smile to my clitoris?”

Seven suddenly pressed her lips against Kathryn’s, her want so clear. Their mouths opened and they could feel the smooth warmth of each other. She pulled Kathryn down on top of her, opening her legs so the older woman could drop in between them. Kathryn pulled her nightgown off so she could push her mound against Seven’s and feel the heat. Their moans filled the silence. They had made love many times, but this was different. There was no part of the Captain here. Just this fragile, achingly beautiful, lonely woman, who has no one who truly knows her. Kathryn had no need to take anything for herself. This was only for Seven. Kathryn’s hands cupped her breasts, then her lips clasped onto a nipple and teased it to attention with her warm, twisting tongue. Her hand moved down, gently caressing the blond hairs of the young Borg’s mound, pushing her fingers downward to tease her: Tracing around Seven’s wet folds, pushing in far enough to coat her finger in the moisture, and pull it up and around to her swollen nub, where her thumb and index finger pulled and teased at it. Her lips kissed a trail down Seven’s stomach, who pushed up into her. Suddenly, she felt Kathryn’s delicious warm mouth close around her sensitive nub. She ached with longing as Kathryn’s tongue traced a knowing path around her labia and into her clitoris. This is familiarity. Seven’s heart swelled. It was a delirious feeling, to be “known” like this. To her Captain, her lover. Seven’s hips began to undulate into Kathryn’s tongue as the older woman demonstrated all that she had learned about this beautiful, extraordinary woman. Kathryn knew, as she licked Seven in rhythm, where she needed her tongue to go. On this side, not that. Up here, not there. Her fingers tease at the Borg’s wet entrance, waiting. She knew Seven would come too soon if she entered her now. She knew Seven preferred to start coming from her mouth, then, she was ready for the intensity of Kathryn’s slender fingers. Because all her senses are trained on Seven’s movement, her noises, her grasping hands, Janeway could tell when it was time. As Seven began to tighten, her breath coming in ragged gasps, Kathryn pushed her fingers in, thrusting hard and deep, quickening her tongue. Seven’s orgasm exploded from inside and out. She spasmed into a deep arch, belly up. Kathryn clamped onto her clit, making her ride it to the end. Seven collapsed back, then grasped to pull Kathryn up to hold her, kiss her. “I… you were… I came so hard, Captain.” 

“Kathryn…” Janeway corrects her. There is no Captain left of her in this moment. 

Seven and Kathryn lay in each other’s arms for a long while. Then, Seven began to touch and thrust and lick Kathryn in the places that only Seven knew.

**********

When you wake up, it’s still dark out. You can smell fresh camp coffee. She brings in a mug, steam rising out of it, and one of tea for herself. You can see each other’s breath in the cold air. You lift your blanket inviting her in to nestle against your warm body. She removes her biosuit and pours herself back in like liquid sex. Goddammit. How does she do that? 

“Seven, it’s so early.”

“We must return to duty in 2 hours, Kathryn. And I wish to discuss the parameters of our relationship.”

“Okay…"

“When this is over, we will not hide what we feel for each other.”

“Agreed.”

Seven looks back over her shoulder, shocked. Maybe emboldened. She hesitates on her next point.

“We will freely be able to tell others that we are dating.”

“Agreed”

“And we are exclusive.”

“Of course! We are. We are exclusive, sweetheart.”

Seven decides now is a good time to snuggle her ass deeper into your aching mound. You moan.

“You will never give me commands about our relationship again.” Her voice breaks. This has hurt her deeply.

“Never.”

“If there is a problem, we discuss it, you don’t decide what you think must be done and make a pronouncement,” Seven’s voice is thick with remembered humiliation.

You manage a croaked, “Agreed." Seven twists to look at you. “Have I damaged you, Kathryn?” You shake your head. “I’m an ass.”

She’s so gentle with you as she explains: “This is not to make you engage in recriminations and guilt. You have repaired our damage, and now we will make a new way.”

“I understand, love.” 

She wraps her arms around you. “I did not expect this to wound you so.”

“It doesn’t wound me, it reminds me that I wounded the woman I love more than anything else. I don’t want to do that again. I’m scared if I do, or if I make a mistake, I won’t get another chance to win you back.”

Seven looked confused. “You think you will have to win me back again? Why? Is it the words? That I have not said them? Is that what makes you afraid you will lose me?”

Seven stands up and grabs you by the hand, pulling you out of bed. She wraps you up in the blanket and leads you out of the tent. You walk to the edge of the bluff you’re camping on. “Remember I said there was a strange phenomenon on the salt flats? That the minerals fluoresced under UV light? And that Antara IV’s sunrise displays Ultraviolet light for 5 minutes at 0500 hours?” In the darkness, she pulls you to the edge and points down. 

“I don’t see anything.”

“Wait,” she whispers. Slowly, pre-dawn begins to break and then you see it. There, along a 20 mile stretch of the salt lake, someone has painstakingly gathered and arranged glowing, fluorescent rocks that spell out: “I love you, Kathryn Janeway.”

**********

After their holodeck renewal, Kathryn and Seven engage openly in a relationship. No announcement needed to be made. It was clear in the way they looked at each other, the way they treated each other. Many had been alerted that such a thing was a possibility by the crew who were in the mess hall the day Seven had eaten a sundae. “The Captain wiped ice cream off her lips and then looked like she was going to swallow her whole.”

The senior staff was impressed by how seamlessly they flowed in and out of Captain/Crewman and Kathryn/Seven. In staff meetings, the Captain would ask a question, the Astrometrics officer would give a reply, then, at the end of the meeting, they’d engage in a quick hug and kiss. “Have a good day, sweetheart.” “Kathryn, I could not find my padd with the nebula data on it.” “It’s under our bed, babe.” The senior officers found it quite charming. And they quickly learned that, if they really wanted something, it was best to get Seven on board first. Because everyone knew the Captain could not tell her no. And that, even when she tried, all it took was a quirk of that silver eyebrow to flip the command switch off. Their relationship moved forward in all the right ways. Lots of orgasms and ice cream sundaes.

But something nagged at the Captain. A logic problem. Seven had insisted they recreate EXACTLY, every single thing they’d done on Antara IV while in the holoprogram. And Kathryn had a niggling question she wanted answered.She waited for a time when Seven was not in Astrometrics, then approached Ensign Hickman. “Ensign.” “Yes Captain.” “When we were on Antarra IV, did Astrometrics take any scans of the planet that last day?” “Millions, Captain. What’re you looking for?” “Can you isolate it to just scans of the salt flats around 0500 hours?” The ensign moved to the console. The images of the salt flats began to scroll on the large screen. Salt, salt, salt…there it was. Twenty miles wide and glowing. Kathryn grabbed his arm to stop him. He looked at the screen and gasped, then looked at his Captain, her eyes tearing up. He had never seen her command mask down. But, he guessed love could do that. He hoped someday someone would love him enough to spell it out twenty miles wide on an M class planet.


End file.
